somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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