we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
