So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
