I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
