Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
