just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize