i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
