I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
