I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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