She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
