So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
