Define "chronic" masturbator.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
