You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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