Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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