Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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