Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
