There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
