The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
