four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
