I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
