Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
