I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
