My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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