Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
