i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize