2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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