I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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