I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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