Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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