she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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