Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
