K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
