Do you still have your period?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
