Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
