I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
