They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
