It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
