But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
