Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
