You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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