I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
