Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
