Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
