Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
