My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
