Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What did we do last night that was yellow?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize