I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
