I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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