Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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