I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
