No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
