The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they're like a gay fantastic four
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
