hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize