So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
