brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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