I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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