Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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