please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
