But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
