i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
