Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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