There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
