Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
