it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone came in the potted fern
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
