..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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