shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
