so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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