if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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