just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize