alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
