first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
