Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
