I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
