I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
