i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
