You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
