He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize