just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
