It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
