I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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