Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
