When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
