so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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