Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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