Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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