just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize