I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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