It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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