if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
