I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
