how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
