Umm I'm too high to move.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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