he was CRYING into my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
