Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
