the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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