Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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