I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
