...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
