You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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