I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
