Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
