I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
